so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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