Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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