I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
