You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry my hands just texted you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
