How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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