I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
