ugly people sure do ruin things
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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