the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
