All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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