This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He better not be in your backpack
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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