its not stalking. its research.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
