i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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