That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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