I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
