The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
