And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
