so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
