Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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