ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We are two peas in an std pod
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
