He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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