that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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