ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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