That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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