So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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