Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
