in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
