hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
