I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
