R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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