I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
