So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
