Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
