You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
