forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
