this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
