On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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