as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
