my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
