Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
