This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
