you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize