I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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