I wish I could punch you in the face.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
