I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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