i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
