guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
