I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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