You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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