i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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