you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
