i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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