i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
