Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
