I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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