Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
