his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
someone owes me an orgasm
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
