Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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