Duck Duck Cougar?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
