is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
