she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
