I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
