The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize