I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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