And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
