i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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