I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
