Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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