Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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