I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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