i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
