The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
