My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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