I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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