wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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